These blue eyes
by koralina
Summary: He looked at her blue eyes and he knew that he really was home. She was his home.
1. He: part 1

**A/N: **Rewatching the first seasons I realized that I had a few questions about characters' actions. So I tried to answer on all questions by looking at the situation from another point of view.

* * *

_He didn't know what to do. He was overcome with fear and despair. The most important person in his life h__ung on the edge of the abyss and he couldn't help her. Yes, he held her, but what did it change? Chains pulled her down nearly tearing her to pieces. He saw her suffering, but couldn't stop it, because there was only one way to do it. He had to let go of her hand; he had to let her fall to her death. And he couldn't do that. His entire life he was able to leave women, but now it was different. They were an entity. To lose her meant losing himself. He knew he was selfish to think about himself, but he was frightened, he couldn't live without her. So he just held her, refusing to make a decision. Maybe fate would solve it for him. Maybe he'd fall with her. Thus they would be together. Forever._

_Her hand began __to slip out of his grasp. He tried to hold her harder, but he failed. Or was it she who didn't want him to hold on?_

_-No! Don't leave!-_

_He spoke already understanding that he couldn't change her decision. He could see it in her eyes. Sh**! She again made decision for him. Maybe she thought it would be better for him, but it wouldn't. How could she think that he'd manage to live without her?_

_-Please! Don't do it!-_

_He was ready to plead, to beg, to cry. He was going to do anything rather then listen her good bye words. "I love you. I love you so much."_

_-No! Don't you leave me.-_

_She smiled at him and he knew it was the last time he saw her smile._

_He couldn't feel her palm anymore. And her eyes were farter and farter away from him._

_-No! No! No!-_

* * *

James woke up. It was just a dream, nothing more. Nightmares became part of his life, like the drinks that helped to forget them. But he couldn't get in the plane drunk. That was why he had a nightmare.

James looked around. People were deep in their problems. Nobody seemed to notice his condition. The man sitting near the window with the nails plunging deep into his palms wasn't their business. Only his neighbor glanced at him disdainfully, but it wasn't strange. James was used to such glances. People despised him, thinking of him as riffraff, but along with it they were frightened of what he could do to them. During his childhood he tried to change it, to prove that he deserved at least some respect, but he failed. He stopped his attempts and distanced himself from everybody. He could survive without them. That's why he didn't like planes. Here he was forced to be close with people without any possibility of escape. That's why he always tried to fall asleep fast on planes, but it again returned him to the nightmares. That's why he hated planes at all.

James shuddered recalling the awful feeling of forlornness and emptiness in his soul. The only memory he had of the recent nightmare.

His whole life was one big chain of mistakes which he couldn't correct and events he couldn't prevent. And with each one James got a new nightmare. Now it probably would be one about him killing an innocent man.

James sighed and held his head in his hands. "When will this damn flight end?" The answer came immediately.

The plane began shake. Things were falling. People were crying. Bright blessing flash. Then nothing. Void with no thoughts and doubts.

Wait! There was something. Somebody. Somebody looked at him. James couldn't see the whole person. All he saw were the eyes. So blue, so beautiful, so familiar. He was ready to look in them eternally. But then other sounds became his world.

James came to on the sand. He was on the beach. There were many people around. Some were crying out of fear and pain. Others were rushing around trying to help. James looked at the scene in front of him but didn't see. It was like the realization hadn't hit him yet.

Then it hit him. He was damn lucky. He survived in the plane crash. He survived to keep hurting people. It was his fate!

* * *

He kept drifting. He gathered everything he could find on the corpses and lived exchanging things for food. It was easier. It helped avoid closeness with people.

Whole days he read books, journals, anything that he could find. But during the nights his thoughts returned to those eyes. Why did he see them? Who was the person he felt there?

It's said that your life will pass before your eyes when you are near death. Was it his life? Was it a joke of fate? He spent whole life making women trust him.

No! That couldn't be it. These eyes! She looked at him differently. It was not only about trust. They were calm and tender.

He didn't notice when he began to think about the woman rather than just the blue eyes. He tried to remember where he had seen her. He tried to find her among the other passengers.

This woman came into his life. She became real for him. He saw her in every blond passing him. She was blond he was sure. But those girls weren't her. They were far from her.

It became madness, an obsession. It was time to fix it. It was time to forget about the woman with blue eyes. And he found a way to do it. He gave all his attention to a woman, who was the exact opposite. She was brunette with warm green eyes. She wasn't calm at all. She was unsetled and liked risk.

He turned on the charm for her. He teasered her. He scared her. He surprised her. The more he knew her the more he liked her. She was so real and she understood him.

They were very similar. He had his Freckles, he didn't need another woman.

The image of the blond woman began to fade away. Some part of his soul was hurt, but he was happy that his world again became simple and clear.

* * *

That was before that damn raft. That was another one of his mistakes, which led to losing the boy. And again he survived and was forced to struggle for the life he hated.

When darkness covered him, he didn't resist. He knew that Jin and Michael were trying to help him, but he didn't need it. He hadn't the strength to fight. All he wanted was for them to let him go. He wanted to die.

Then he felt tender touches. He heard a quiet voice. "It's alright. You are at home."

He wanted to listen to this voice forever. It was her voice, he knew it. She was with him again and he was happy. At some moment there was no voice, but he could still see her. He looked at her blue eyes and he knew that he really was at home. She was his home.

Then there was a male voice and she was gone. He struggled, trying to find her, but he couldn't.

-Where is she? Where?- he asked the voice that intruded and drove her away.

This voice prevented him from being with the woman he loved. Somehow he was sure about his feelings.

-I love her!-he whispered in his last attempt to explain the voice why he needed her.

Then nothing.

* * *

When he regained consciousness he saw Kate sitting near him. From her tired condition he realized she had been sitting with him a long time. She cared about him. It was so new. He was grateful to her. He smiled and let her be his babysitter.

Who would expect that he let a woman tell him what he should do. She led him to the station to change the bandages. She cut his hair. Sh**! They began acting like a family and it wasn't right. He wasn't meant for this. All he could do was hurt people. It was his fate.

So he drifted away from her. His whole life he ran away. He ran away from the blue eyes. Now he ran away from Freckles.

He did everything he could to push her away and he was successful. She looked at Jack. She talked to Jack. She thought about Jack. And on the pier Jack was the only person she cared about.


	2. He: part 2

Again darkness. Again a void. And again he woke up in a new place, which now appeared to be a cage.

Every man for himself.

That was why he ran when a guy –named Karl – opened his cage. He was like a wild animal trying to get free. Escaping was his only thought.

Then he saw her. He didn't expect to find her here. These eyes. She wasn't just an image of his mind. She was real.

She stood in front of him and he just stared at her having no strength to move or say anything.

It was his dream-lady and she looked at him with those damn calm blue eyes. Her look was hypnotizing. Then zap! He was on the ground. The last thing he saw, before passing out, was her beautiful face.

* * *

He was in the cage again. He was alone but now it was a good thing. He really needed time to think. First, she was real. Second, she was one of them 'The Others'. She was a hostile and he was sure they had never met before. But why was she so familiar to him?

He was confused. It was like he was crazy. He wanted to be with this woman he had never seen before. He wanted to touch her, to hug her, to kiss her. Bloody hell! Why did he think he knew this woman? There were many blonds with blue eyes. And her gaze was different from what he remembered. She was aloof, distanced, rather cool. She was a different personality, but some part of him knew she was the same woman with blue eyes. His woman!

Suddenly he heard steps. Somebody came up to his cage. He stood up hoping that it would be Her. He wanted to see her again.

But it was only Kate. She was pushed into another cage and James immediately felt ashamed. How could he forget about her? How could he think about Blondie when his Freckles was in danger?

He glanced at her. She was scared. He wanted to support her, to assure her that they would be fine, but he was afraid to look at her, because she knew him and would notice his confusion. He didn't want her to know his thoughts. He sighed, cooled himself and put on his 'mask'.

When he was behind the mask everything was easier. He could do and say only what he wanted people to know. From childhood hiding behind a mask was his means of self-protection.

There he was, smug, self-confident, cynical and eternally optimistic. James was far from Sawyer's skills in overcoming difficulties. Sawyer asked Kate about her well-being. Sawyer gave her a fish-biscuit. Sawyer spoke with her until their captors returned. It was also Sawyer who looked for a fight. James didn't meddle.

* * *

He let Sawyer make decisions until he saw Her again. She stood not far away from him talking with Danny-boy. She was so unsuited to being his jailer. Yet somehow it felt comfortable to be near her.

He was lost in thoughts of her. He let he catch his gaze, but her reaction hurt him. Her eyes were full of sympathy and compassion. He didn't need that! When she threw him a canteen, he was determined to show her. He couldn't let her feel sorry for him and he was going to do something to spite her.

He emptied the canteen and she turned away, disappointed. But that wasn't enough for him to regain his self-esteem. Kate appeared to be his rescue. He pulled upon his bonds and rushed to her. He pulled her closer and kissed her with all the passion he had. He wished to forget about that disappointed look. When they hit him, he put in his feelings into a blow containing all the anger he had within himself. With each blow he expressed the pain he felt from her reaction and his confusion about her being so important to him.

He promised himself that he would try to forget about her. He managed to do that on the beach, he could manage to do it now. He just needed to get his attention on something else. He needed to find a way out of here. Because the farther he could be from here, the farther he would be from her.

* * *

In spite of the spontaneity of his fight it gave him some benefit. James realized that the guards weren't very good in fights. So all they needed was to take them by surprise.

-Soon we will be far from here- He promised Kate in order to soothe her.

He believed his words, but it appeared he had lied again.

There was no place they could run. They were in a jail without walls, but it didn't change the fact it was a jail. They were on another island. Again fate laughed at him. Again he was at a deadlock.

His days were now occupied by manual labor. His nights were full of nightmares. He was a conman. It was his fate. He hated it. He hated his fate. And he hated himself. But he had no strength to fight with it anymore.

He gave up, but Kate didn't. She tried to save him. She didn't understand the uselessness of her actions. And she could be hurt in this fight. He couldn't let that happen, not because of him.

Her attempts to escape were doomed to failure but telling Kate this would kill her hope for rescue. His choice was to see her die either way; either herself or her spirit. He chose the latter.

He told her that there was no way to get away from here. He could see how his words cut through her and he tried his best to comfort her. He did it in the only way he knew; his verbal communication with women wasn't very good.

* * *

-There was no place to run – he told her and again he was wrong.

They managed to find a boat. He should have been glad but it was too good to be true. It was too easy for him. Maybe some people were lucky, but not him.

They barely managed to reach the beach when they were overtaken. Pickett was in front of him with a gun in his hands. James could see his sentence in Danny's eyes. It was the end.

Kate clutched at his hand. He could feel her trembling. Finally he found his purpose. He had to protect at least this woman, whose last hope he was. At that exact moment, he realized he wasn't ready to die anymore.

As if in answer to his thoughts She appeared. Blondie killed Danny and let them leave.

She saved him again and she did it without asking anything in return. This woman appeared to be his guardian angel. He couldn't believe that she was real.

He would think about it later. Now they should sail away.


	3. She: part 1

Starting first thing in the morning it seemed that everything was against Juliet. First her favorite shirt ripped. It was the last thing she had to remind her of home and make her believe that someday she would be able to see her sister and nephew. Now it was gone and it was the last straw. Juliet began crying.

The last few days had been hard for her. She struggled with the despair of being on the Island among unfamiliar people with a strange feeling of unreality. It prevented her from working, communicating with other members of their commune, living in any meaningful sense.

She didn't know when it had started. Maybe it was the day Ben accidentally touched her hand and she barely kept herself from rushing away because of the wave of fear and disgust that enveloped her. Maybe it was one of her evenings with Goodwin, when she suddenly felt that there could be only a tragic end for them. She couldn't say that she really ever hoped for happy ending with him, considering Goodwin was married. But at that moment she just knew that it would end badly, as if she had already lived through that.

Juliet wiped away her tears and turned on her CD-player. It was her favorite song, "Downtown".

She had to relax, so she decided to distract herself with some work. Considering that today she would host a book club meeting, she began making muffins. But her unluckiness was still with her. The muffins burned and she hurt her hand. It wasn't long after when guests began to arrive. Could the day be any better?

"Everything will be alright."-She assured herself,-"sooner or later they will leave and I will be able to be with Goodwin."

He was the only one who was capable of improving her mood. He could always soothe her and make her smile.

But that dream wasn't supposed to become reality.

How many times did one see a plane crash? Ever? It was the day that Juliet's chances of watching it were increased.

She raised her eyes and saw the plane breaking into three peaces in the sky right in front of her. She barely managed to regain her composure when Ben began to give orders. Those moments made her doubt he was a human. Nobody could be so cool in a situation like that.

Juliet watched him sending Goodwin and Ethan to check out the situation. Then the orders were given to Tom and Harper. It seemed she was the only person without a task, as if Ben was indicating where her place was.

A few hours ago she realized that being left behind wasn't the worst thing that could happen.

What Ben prepared for her was much more painful. He took her to the Flame and showed her Rachel and Julian. She looked at them without possibility of reaching them. She couldn't touch them, talk with them, but at least she could see them and know they were alright. Then the images were gone. She peered at the black screen trying to see the two figures just a little longer: a large one and a small one. A few seconds later, she felt Mikhail leading her away from the screen. He was a strange man. He avoided any communication with, others preferring to be alone. Maybe it was the reason Juliet felt comfortable with him.

Juliet kept working, waiting for Goodwin's return. She wanted him to be here with her, because she was scared. She was sure that Ben had a reason for showing her Rachel and she was afraid to learn it. So she just worked, trying to push away her fears and strange sensations.

* * *

She didn't think that Goodwin would be killed, but it happened. That day was becoming a nightmare. Ben brought her to the hill and showed her his corpse. She could feel Ben's enjoyment of the situation. She could barely stand. She wanted to cry to express her pain and despair while Ben talked about her, that she was his.

She didn't know what to do. She was in his hands and he could do anything wither that he wanted. He could kill her, as he did with Goodwin.

That moment Juliet found her purpose. She had to kill Benjamin Linus, for self-protection. She wouldn't be so nice and kind anymore. No! She would be out for herself. She would never let anyone hurt her. If she was alone she couldn't lose anyone. She had already lost her parents, Rachel, and Goodwin. It was too painful to feel loss again.

Juliet raised her walls waiting for the right moment. Maybe Ben would die from his cancer without any help from her.

* * *

Ben's health became worse and worse. He needed surgery; the faster the better. What luck that there was a spinal surgeon among the survivors, Jack Shephard. Juliet examined his file. They were very much alike. Both of them were workaholics, who spent their whole life trying to fix other people but couldn't fix themselves. So when Ben said that he was going to bring Jack to the Hydra she didn't protest wanting to meet Jack. The only problem was that Ben wanted her to convince Jack to fix Ben, which she wasn't going to do. Though considering their similarity she hoped that she could manage to make a deal with the doctor.

There were also files about the other two prisoners, but there was nothing interesting for her to look at. They were low lives, con artists, and murderers. If Ben wanted them to do something it was his right; she wasn't going to bother with them.

* * *

Juliet watched from the side as the three unconscious people were dragged out of the boat as a group. Considering the photos she saw, the dark haired male must be the doctor and the blonde must be James Ford. All three were taken in different directions, in accordance with the game Ben prepared for them. They were only pawns who would be discarded after being used. Juliet was repulsed by these thoughts and she quickly went to the station, where Jack should soon wake up.

Waiting for him to come to, Juliet again looked through his file, imagining their conversation, but all her plans were destroyed when he woke up. He wasn't a doctor focused on his work who didn't know what to do in extreme situations.

No, he was a leader whose people needed to be saved. All his thoughts were about them. There was no way to deal with him unless she managed to get his trust, to show him that she also needed his help. Of course, she could let him think that she was a hostile. That way she would have a reason for her mission to fail, but there was a possibility that Ben would find another way to force Shephard to fix him. She couldn't let that happen.

She needed some time to be alone and consider the situation. She was wandering near the station when a man appeared from trees. She recognized him immediately. James Ford a.k.a. Sawyer.

Juliet stopped in her tracks looking at the man and trying to determine his next step. At the same time she carefully reached for her taser. But to her surprise the man didn't do anything except stare at her. He looked at her until she tasered him and he convulsed to the ground in front of her.

She couldn't understand his behavior. He had a chance to escape. Why didn't he try to attack her or run?

Ford was locked in his cage again and Juliet stared at this strange man. All the information in his file indicated he was a dangerous and difficult man full of rancor, but she didn't see any threat in his eyes, as opposed to Jack. He just looked searchingly at her as if he was trying to learn her innermost thoughts.

Even as Juliet walked away from his cage, she could feel his eyes on her back.

It was a strange feeling. She was far enough from him but still it seemed to her that he was with her.

Trying to regain her composure Juliet returned to the screening-room. Shephard was much quieter now. Lack of food and water eventually had an impact on him. Juliet hoped that he wouldn't be so stubborn as to collapse unconscious from the starvation or dehydration. So when he agreed to obey and sit down in the corner, she relaxed. She was punished immediately for her carelessness by being sized by Jack who held a sharp fragment of a plate to her neck.

She managed to survive the ordeal. Though she didn't expect be so lucky after Ben slammed the door in front of her.

She needed a strong cup of coffee.

She returned to her room and settled on the bed with Carrie. The last few days she read that book till late at night. It was her way to avoid the nightmare she was living.

_The sun __was shining. There was soft, warm sand under her bare feet. Juliet walked out of the waves. Water drops on her skin slowly disappeared in the sunlight. Goodwin was sitting under a tree with a picnic basket. He smiled at her. She sat near him. He was her protector from all her problems. She could sit there eternally embracing him and looking at the sunlight on the water._

_-I'm afraid Ben wouldn't be happy about us.- she eventually tells him._

_-Don't worry. What harm can he do?-_

_She turned her head. Goodwin was still there but now his eyes were closed and there was a stake in his chest._

Every night Juliet woke up crying, but this time everything was different.

_The sun shines. There is soft and warm sand under her bare feet. Juliet comes out of the sea. Water drops on her skin slowly disappear in the sunlight. Goodwin is sitting under a tree with a picnic basket. He smiles at her. She sits near him. He is her protector from all her problems. She could sit there eternally embracing him and looking at the sunlight on the water._

_-I'm afraid Ben wouldn't be happy about us.- she eventually tells him._

_-Don't worry. What harm can he do? I'll always be with you.-_

_She turns her head and looks right into James's eyes! He hugs her whispering "Remember I'm with you" and then slowly dissolves into thin air. She sits there with strange feeling that there is something important that she has forgotten._


	4. She: part 2

Juliet woke up and tried to understand what she had seen. Her whole life, she took her dreams seriously. They were displays of her thoughts and feelings. So now she sat in her room and tried to figure out the reason for this strange dream. Why did her usual nightmare change? Could it be because of all the stress, she had the day before? Could her body just be finding way for relax? But if it was so, then why didn't she see Goodwin? They had a lot of happy moments together. Why did she see this man? And to top it all off, why did he replace Goodwin, at the end?

Juliet recalled the dream, trying to find details that would explain everything to her. Goodwin sat there and looked at her. Wait a minute. Was that really Goodwin? She knew this dream well enough to just imagine him being there. His face was in the tree's shadow, and all she could see were his bright eyes.

Juliet stopped in her tracks. Only now she realized what else was different in her dream. All the time she was walking on the beach, she felt his gaze, so attentive and piercing, but tender and loving at the same time. She wished to be looked at like that forever and it was the look of the light-colored eyes of James Ford.

She saw him, not for very long, but she was sure that she couldn't confuse his looks with anyone else. He was in her dream. She saw him as her friend, as her protector, and – she had to tell herself the truth – as her lover.

She couldn't understand this part. She never thought about herself as an emotional woman able to fall in love at first sight. She always needed to know the men she dated well enough, not that there were many men in her life.

What could be so different about James Ford?

Maybe she had seen him before. Of course, it would explain everything. She just associated him with her previous life in Miami. She had projected her home-sickness onto him. Juliet stood up and walked to the door. All she needed was to find out from his file when he was in Miami, then she would remember where she had seen him.

She looked through his file. He was in Miami indeed, as he had been in most other big cities. It was a miracle that Mikhail could track him down, considering his wanderings. But it also meant that they had no chance to meet, because he was in Miami when she was in Europe with Edmund.

It was their honeymoon. They walked in the parks, went boating, examined ruins. Juliet smiled at those memories. After all, there were not only black pages during their marriage.

Juliet shook her head, pushing away all the memories. She had to stop living in the past. If she hadn't seen him in Miami then it might have been some other place. She read his file again, trying to find any clue to her strange feelings toward him. Nothing. It seemed they were from absolutely different worlds.

Morning came. It was time to check Shephard and to give him food and water. She did so. Thankfully, he overcame his pride and agreed to obey her, so she could enter and give him the food. They even spoke a little. But even during their conversation she couldn't stop thinking about the blond man.

She tried to understand what kind of man he was. His file was complete, but it was just facts, nothing more. And she knew well enough that life was more than facts. She doubt whether anybody who knew Juliet Carlson before could guess what she did now.

She had to see him again. She had to look into his eyes. "It was only to sort out the situation", - she assured herself.

She thought about ways to visit the construction site without raising any suspicions when Ben entered the room and told her that he'd prefer to talk with Jack privately. It was all she needed to go.

They were working under Picket's control. Another lucky coincidence. Tom would ask questions about her presence here, but Danny wouldn't. On the contrary, he began to tell her what had happened since morning. Juliet listened to him with half an ear, glancing at the working man. He didn't look like a spoilt one at all. Quite the opposite, manual labor suited him well. She found it hard to turn her eyes from him.

When she again looked at him, he caught her eyes. Again he looked at her and she didn't understand why. What couldn't she remember about him?

Then she noticed how heavy his breathing was. As always she hadn't thought of the simplest explanation. He was just interested in the bottle in her hands. Juliet sighed in relief and threw the bottle to him. There was no reason to worry. He was just a man who wanted a drink, with no other thoughts about her.

He poured out all water, as if daring her. "He was just too proud to accept her help, as Jack was.", - she told herself, but she wasn't sure about this. What if she was wrong? What if there was something else between them?

The whole situation annoyed her. She was angry at him for defying the logical explanation of his glance. She turned away, firm in her decision to ignore any thoughts about him, but he wasn't going to let her do this. He was looking for fight and Juliet couldn't push away her feeling that he did it to prove something to her. Danny's guys weren't able to fix the problem, so she did it herself. As always. She was able to calm him just as she should be able to calm her own mind.

The next few days were a blur. First Coleen was shot and Juliet did her best to try to save her, but she failed. Another person she had lost. Then Danny had to be calmed down, in order to prevent him from destroying himself. He was never her friend, but she felt guilty about not saving his wife, so she tried to help him. At to top it all off, Ben pressured her about his surgery.

Finally Jack agreed to fix Ben, but it appeared he had his own plans. He tried blackmailing them to protect his friends and it was convenient for Juliet, because it gave her a reason to let Ben die. For a second, she thought about the blond prisoner. Her order to stop them by any means might be the cause of his death, but she pushed such thoughts away. It was her chance to see sister again and there was a chance that he wouldn't be hurt.

Those thoughts didn't become reality, because even on the surgical table Ben was able to control everything. He woke up and suggested a deal – her freedom in exchange for his surgery. She had to help Shephard's friends escape.

She thought it wasn't a high price for her freedom, but she was wrong again.

Danny had already overtaken them and was ready to shoot Ford. It was time to choose whether she would kill or she would look away and let him be killed.

She made her choice. It was the major lesson the Island had taught her – to be able to make a decision. She had shot a man without any doubt, and then watched as the two prisoners sailed away on the boat. She returned to Jack, to help finish the surgery. The whole time she was calm and composed.

Only in her room she dare to think about what she had done. She took somebody's life. She, who used to help to give a birth, was now a killer.

Why did she kill him? Was her wish to get home true reason? She could have let Danny shoot them and Ben would die on the operating table. Nobody could blame her. Then why did she do what she did?

Juliet didn't realize the moment she fell asleep.

_She stood at the beach and watched __Ford and Austin leaving. Then she turned and shrank back with a cry. Danny lay in front of her with a stake in his chest. She did it! She killed him!_

_Juliet ran __across the sand. She ran and ran unable to stop until she ran into somebody. Strong hands hugged her and pressed her to their chest. They stood still until she stopped shaking. Then she stepped away to look at the person in front of her. The first thing she had seen were the eyes, which were so warm and tender._

_-Thank you for saving me! Thank you for getting my back!-_

_She was sitting on the sand cuddling up to him. The beach around them was empty. No sign of Danny. No sign of him leaving with another woman._

_There was only __him and her!_

It was the first night she didn't wake up from a nightmare. It was the first time she didn't remember her dream. And it was the first time she felt that everything was right.


	5. They: part 1

Life went on. They were occupied with their urgent problems and didn't think about those strange feelings they had for each other.

James had returned to the beach camp and tried to recover from his adventures. He sat by his tent with a book and a beer, but as a result of Hurley's con he was forced to become the new leader of the survivors.

Juliet was counting the days that remained until Ben's full recovery, so she could eventually leave the Island.

But fate had its own plan for them. It brought them together, and again, it was absolutely unexpected.

Juliet's dreams were shattered when Kate appeared in the village. She brought Locke with her, the man, who had blown up the only way to leave the Island. It meant that she had to obey Ben's orders again and now those orders led her to the survivors' camp.

She appeared from the trees like a bolt from the blue and made James stop in his tracks, surprised, unable to believe that she could really be there.

-What is SHE doing here? - That was all he managed to say, staring at her. It was the only question that he wanted answered. Jack's rescue, Kate's return, all those events were pushed into the background after her appearance. That woman was one of them, she couldn't be here, but she was. She again came into his life and each time she became more and more real, yet still a mystery to him.

* * *

Now that she was living near him and he could watch her for whole days. Maybe he would even dare to talk to her, but she spent all time with Jack. It annoyed him.

-You didn't like it either, right?- He asked Sayid once more catching Juliet with Jack. The Arab nodded silently.

Now he had an ally and he could shift some of the responsibility onto him while staying back, watching the results. Especially because Sayid was absolutely impartial about the blond woman. The thing that James wasn't so sure about himself.

It was time to speak with her. Two men versus the woman and they lost that battle. She didn't yield to them, she wasn't scared. On the contrary, she managed to scare them with her stare and her words. It seemed she knew all his shameful secrets, even about the murder. She had information that nobody had and again James thought that she was too ideal to be real. There was a strong connection between them. He had seen her in his dreams. She had saved his life. She knew everything about him. Could it be a hallucination, the woman he always wished to meet, strong enough to be his equal, who would stay with him even knowing all his secrets?

But others saw her, talked with her. It couldn't be a common hallucination.

There were many ways to handle this situation. He could talk with her. He could keep looking for some logical explanation. Or he could push all those thoughts out of his head. He chose the latter and, as always, he did it by spending all his time with Kate. This allowed him not to focus Juliet, but didn't solve his problem.

* * *

He accomplished his objective, he killed the man who ruined his life, but it gave him nothing. It didn't fill the void in his soul. His life was becoming more and more meaningless and useless. He accomplished all he had been living for.

Then she appeared in his life. It wasn't if she was really going to fix him. Nobody could help him, because even he didn't know how to do that. No, James realized that it wasn't she herself, but her presence that changed everything. She went with him on the suicide mission and all he felt was joy. He wanted to smile at her, to tease her. It wasn't just a way to mask his fear; he was just comfortable with her by his side. There was something familiar and habitual in their trip together through jungle. It felts right that she had his back.

* * *

Again this woman breathed new life into him and gave him strength to go on. And again he survived an absolutely impossible situation, but now he had changed, he wasn't going to hurt other people. He was going to live, not as Sawyer, but as James.

He played cards with Hurley. He helped John organize their little group. He talked with Claire and even dared to hold Aaron in his arms. This life opened up another side of him. It appeared there were good moments in it and he was better than he thought. He believed that everything would be alright.

But can a leopard change his spots? Again he was forced to watch people die. Houses were blown up. He lost the girl, he promised to protect. Even the hardest thing he had done in his life was for nothing. He jumped out of the helicopter to give his friends a chance to reach the freighter. He had risked his life for their sake, but it appeared that he saved only his own. He sat on the beach, safe and sound, and looked at the smoke, the only reminder of the freighter being there. If he didn't jump, they might be alive.

Why was he still alive? For what?

Now even Juliet's presence couldn't help him. He knew, sooner or later, she would suffer because of him.

* * *

A bright light! There were many images that should part of a larger picture, but James didn't understand how to put them together.

**A/N:** Thank you for your reviews. They keep me writing.


	6. They: part 2

_Daniel:__ It's like a record that began skipping._

_John: I have to bring them back._

_Juliet: I'm with you, James._

_Jack: We can change everything._

_Juliet: If I never met you then I would never have to lose you._

What the Hell?

Then it was as if the light was turned on. All of the pieces were back where they started. James had remembered everything. He had remembered 3 years of his life, 3 years that was deleted by the hydrogen bomb's explosion, 3 years that he didn't want to forget. Those were the best 3 years of his life, because she was with him, his Juliet! She wasn't just a woman he loved, she was his soul mate, and his every breath was for her. She knew him. She knew him like nobody else could.

It was the first time in his life that he didn't fear to disappoint someone by telling them who he really was. She gave him what he needed all his life. It wasn't revenge. It was the family, he never had; home where he wanted to return every evening.

Memories gave his life purpose. Didn't matter what Faraday said. He wouldn't let her die again. He was here, he remembered everything. Whether that was enough, to believe that future could be changed, he didn't know? He got his chance to save her and he would do that by any means. She wouldn't be anywhere near the Swan construction site. He was even ready to leave her, if it would keep her alive, but it was an extremeoption. He'd prefer to prevent her death without losing her.

Unfortunately, he hadn't time for further reflection**.** As if according to a time schedule, Bernard appeared from the trees calling Rose. Then they found that there was no camp anymore and history began to repeat itself. James did the same things he had done before. Periodically he glanced at Juliet, hoping that she remembered him too, but each time the only thing he saw in her eyes was sympathy for an unfamiliar man in a tough situation. There were no signs of recognition in her eyes. It hurt him but each time he remembered what had happened or would happen, and that he should be glad to see her here.

They walked to the hatch, Faraday explained his theory about records skipping and only after that did James manage to get some private time to think about the situation. Although considering Juliet's glances, she left him alone only because she thought he needed some time to mourn Kate. It had hurt him even more because it reminded him about their last conversation. Her death was his fault much more than the Doc's. He didn't assure his woman of his true feelings and his looks and words destroyed everything they had. Shit! If he ever knew when the end would be, he would tell her all those things that seemed too obvious to tell aloud. He would tell her that he didn't need Kate in his life anymore. He would tell her that she was the only woman in his life, the only woman he wished to be with. But that was nothing he could tell her now, because she didn't remember him and such confessions would be strange to her.

So James returned to preventing events that had led them to the Swan station. He decided to prevent the return of the Oceanic six. If he remembered right, Locke would appear soon and tell them that the only way to stop those fatal flashes was their return. It meant he hadn't much time to get ready to this meeting. He had to write a letter to Jack and then persuade Locke to give it to him. The latter wouldn't be a problem, because Locke was naïve enough to believe that it would help him fulfill his mission and not ask any questions. The main problem was choosing the right words that would get to Jack, because there wouldn't be a second chance to convince Jack to stay far away from the Island.

James asked Faraday for a pen and paper and, trying to be unnoticed by Juliet, began his letter. Writing letters wasn't something he did often in his life. He did only two times and it seemed both were dealing with the death of his family, in one way or another.

He was saying aloud what he'd write and each time it was too , he had chose words and he began writing.

_Jack, if __you are reading this, then all of you and John managed to escape the Island. _

_I know why John __came to you. He asked you to return to the Island. I can even guess what reasons he gave. I'm sure he told you that it was your fate and that it would be the only way to save us. _

_What can I say? I don't believe in destiny. All of us have a choice. So if you CHOOSE to return, ask yourself why would you do that? If it's only for us, then don't do it. I'm aware that my words seem very strange, but please remember what I say to you. Your return won't save anybody. If you come back to the Island, you will be not only unable to help us, but you will also lose those who return with you._

_John is wrong, we don't need to be saved. All of us have a place in this life, and we are comfortable enough with our life here. Maybe this Island is our place, but it's definitely not yours. So let the past be in the past and go on. There is nothing you have to correct, there is nobody here you have to save._

_P.S. I hope you will be happy with Kate, because she loves you. Maybe you didn't notice that, but all her actions were always about you. The only reason she was ever with me was to make you jealous. So don't be fool and don't lose her._

_Sawyer._

James had finished his letter just in time, because a few minutes later a flash turned day into night and they ended up right in the centre of a fiery nightmare.

Flaming arrows were everywhere and it seemed there was no escape from them. All they could do was run. He grabbed her hand and dragged her as far from the nightmare as was possible. Only when they stopped did he realize that he took her out of the frying pan and into the fire, right to Widmore. Of course he remembered that Locke would appear and save them, but it didn't help. He was frightened that something had changed and things, he remembered, wouldn't happen again. He couldn't think calmly anymore. All he could see were her large blue eyes full of fear and he strained at the end of the tether trying to protect her.

But Locke appeared just in time**. **He saved them and explained what he was going to do. It meant the time had come when everybody's attention was on Charlotte. He gave John the letter. John was obviously surprised that the letter was not to Kate but to Jack.

-Jack is the key to everything. If you manage to assure him to come back, then the others will return too.-

Locke believed this and promised to give him the letter. James had no doubts in his word, because it was in John's interests, at least he should have thought so. Now all they had to do was find the Orchid.

James didn't look further than that. The only thing he dared to make was the confession about one of the flashes.

-I saw Kate. She helped Claire give birth to Aaron. She was so close, it seemed I had to take only a step to reach out and touch her, but I stood still. Because it don't matter now what had happened before. Kate is my past, nothing else.-

"You are my future", - he wanted to add, but he didn't. He wasn't going to force her to love him. The only time in his life he wouldn't con a woman in falling in love with him, it should be her own choice. All he permitted himself to do was tell her that Kate wasn't a danger to her, to them. Maybe she didn't understand him, but it was important for him to say it aloud. It was one of the things he should have told her a long time ago, but hadn't.

He didn't do anything else and just reacted at things happened. He was sincere in his joy to find Jin, though he had remembered that he had been fine. He was still sad about Charlotte, though all of them understood what would happen with her sooner or later. Finally, Locke had stopped the flashed and they found themselves in Dharma Initiative.

It was that moment that scared James so much, the moment he had to let Juliet leave on the sub. It didn't matter what he had done to prevent the Incident, he had no right to risk her life, by asking her to stay. "This place is death", Charlotte had said and he absolutely agreed with her. Not asking her for two weeks would be one more detail he changed.

Initially he planned to leave her alone and avoid their meeting at dock, but he didn't have the strength to do that. He just had to see her one last time, to memorize her alive and well. He sat beside her, unable to turn his eyes away. She sat there, so calm and peaceful.

-We can leave this Island- Juliet said suddenly.

All these years she dreamed about this moment. She desperately wanted to leave. Then why did she feel the urgency to make excuses to him? Maybe because she knew that he wouldn't leave with her and after everything they went through, she wasn't ready to lose him.

Once upon a time Juliet had promised herself that she would never trust anybody again, because it was too hurtful to be betrayed, but it was absolutely different with him. He gave her so much without asking anything in return.

He was with her, nothing else, but she appreciated that more than anything else. Juliet had thought about the dream she had seen after their first meeting. Maybe it was fate. Maybe she had to trust the man one more time.

She looked at the man near her, the man who, at first, seemed so far from her world, but managed to become her best friend, the man who cared about her, but didn't do anything to trap her here. She could see the pain in his eyes. It was hard for him, but he was still silent.

-You won't be on this sub, right?- She asked already knowing the answer. James nodded.

-Why?-

-The rest of our people are somewhere in jungle. I have to find them or at least look for them. After all I have two weeks for that.-

He already knew that he wouldn't find anybody except Rose and Bernard, and even them he would find only after three years. Last time he had stayed because deep in gut he was waiting for Kate, but now he wasn't waiting for her. Then why was he going to stay here?

-And if you don't find them, then what? What are you going to do after the two weeks? How long are you going to look for them? –Juliet asked as if reading his thoughts.

-I don't know- At least it was an honest answer.

Juliet turned away, looking at the sea but didn't really see it. She could get on the sub and leave the Island, but something didn't let her do that. She was in seventies, she was a child back in the real world. Escaping the Island wouldn't return her to Rachel or Julian, but would take James from her. She needed him and she was sure he needed her.

-You know, I'm starting to think that you are bad at making plans. It seems I have to make one for you.- She smiled when she noticed the joy he failed to hide.

–So here is the plan. We are staying here for two weeks and we'll do everything we can to find the others, but after two weeks we will have to be satisfied with whatever our search yields. Deal?-

She waited for his answer. It was the first time she was so obvious about her feelings. She had never run after a manbefore and now she was suddenly unsure in her bravery.

-As if I have any choice, Blondie. I have no intention of staying alone with the crazy physicist, Mr. "I speak to the dead" and Jin, who is not bad at all, but I can't talk to him. So, yes, I'm totally in agreement with your plan.-

Things fell into place for both of them. He had understood that she needed him. She had understood that he was ready to follow her anywhere. Two weeks later they left the Island. Fate gave them a chance to be happy and they took it, because it didn't matter where and when you were living when your lover, your soul mate, was with you. They lived their lives in perfect harmony, sharing with each other all the sad and happy moments in life. There was only one thing James had never told Juliet. That it was their second chance.

The End.

* * *

**A/N:** That's all I wanted to say in this story. Thank you very much for those who had been reading and reviewing it. Your opinion is important to me. And of course thank you eyeon for editing. I'm happy that you have my back.


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